


Beginnings

by TheLadyMerlin



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: tamingthemuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-24 18:00:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2590973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyMerlin/pseuds/TheLadyMerlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander, a rescue and a very different Spike</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kamikaze

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a quickie one off but as usual my muse has a mind all of her own. :)

Xander crept around the edges of Breakers Woods. Giles had mentioned a minor flux of power, but hadn't felt it was anything to worry about. That explained why it was Xander checking out the aberration, but not why there was a large group in the clearing just ahead. He'd been ordered to observe only. Kinda hard when they carted in two unconscious bodies and tied them to two of the four long flat rocks. There was no way this could possibly end well. 

Xander carefully slid closer to get a better look and sucked in a shocked breath. Harmony and Spike?! How?! 

Xander was tempted to simply turn away. They were the enemy after all. Vampires, who had tried to kill all of them all at one time or another. He'd actually turned his back on the clearing before the guilt churned in his stomach. Harmony had actually been more evil when she was alive. And Spike? Chipped and pretty much defenceless. Shit.

Predictably, Xander turned back around and watched as the group, dressed in ceremonial robes, sprinkled what looked like glitter over Harmony and Spike. They chanted in a language he didn't understand. The results were quick and startling. Suddenly the two empty slabs were filled with snarling, decidedly unhappy demons.

Great excitement flowed through the people surrounding Harmony and they freed the demon on the slab next to her. The demon growled and snuffed. Her sudden scream broke through the slightly chill night air as the demon bent to tear at the soft flesh of her neck. 

Without further thought, Xander rushed like a kamikaze to the slab holding Spike. Using the small knife in his pocket he made quick work of the restraints. The vampire was groggy and a bit unsteady, but they managed to get to the cover of the trees while the others were still occupied.

Xander hurriedly bundled Spike into his car and they sped off to Giles' flat. Spike appeared disoriented and withdrawn on the ride over and Xander wondered what had been used to make the normally hyperactive vampire so docile. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Xander asked glancing from the road to check out his passenger.

“I-I believe I am, thank you.”

Xander wasn't entirely sure what shocked him more, the polite tone of voice or the politeness itself. He risked another glance at the quiet vampire before turning his attention back to the road. “Right. Well, why don't we see if Giles can figure out what's going on, huh?”

The rest of the trip was made in relative silence. The only noises coming from the tires as they rolled along the pavement. Xander wondered what freaky hellmouth thing they had wound up in this time. Things had been pretty boring recently, but this is so not what he had been expecting. He briefly thought over his choice to save the bleached menace, wondering if maybe he should 've just left him to his fate. 

Xander grimaced as that churn of guilt returned. He sighed heavily as he stopped at the light. Forever the white hat.


	2. Badge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curiouser and curiouser

There were shouts of concern and surprise when the pair entered Giles' flat. Spike following meekly behind an increasingly confused Xander.

“What is _he_ doing here?” Buffy asked, hands firmly planted on her hips.

“Well, I couldn't exactly leave him there. Not after I just rescued him.”

“What?!” Willow shouted in concern. 

“Yes,” Giles said,” please do explain.”

Xander sighed, tugging Spike forward and pushing him into a seat on the couch. Flopping down next the oddly behaving vampire, Xander scrubbed tiredly at his face. “I was checking out Breaker's Woods and there were all these people dressed in robes and stuff and they were doing some kind of weird ceremony. And then they carried in Spike and Harmony. There were these demons and while they were all distracted I freed Spike and we came right back here.” Xander paused before continuing sadly, “I think...I think they killed Harmony.”

Buffy sniffed in disdain. “Vampire? Remember? They are the bad guys.”

“Oh, c'mon, Buff, even you've gotta admit that Harmony wasn't exactly evil. She was meaner when she was human.”

“He's right, Buffy. She was way meaner before she got turned,” Willow chimed in. Xander wanted to hug her.

“Xander, do you think you could describe the details of the ritual?” Giles intervened, pen in hand.

Xander considered the question while studying the unusually quiet vampire seated meekly beside him. He told Giles everything he could remember and when he couldn't answer any more questions he asked one of his own. “Do you think the ritual did something to Spike?”

They all looked at the vampire in question, who blushed and squirmed a little under the intense scrutiny.

“He has been rather quiet, which is far from his normal state,” Giles observed. He crouched down while Spike studied him with wary eyes and leaned closer to Xander. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

Spike glanced at Xander as if asking for permission. Xander shrugged and made an on you go gesture with his hand. Spike looked shyly up at Giles. “A cup of tea would be lovely.” he bit his lip and added, “if it isn't too much trouble.”

Giles looked surprised and Buffy's mouth hung open in an unattractive manner. “Uhh, certainly. I'll be back in a moment.”

“Thank you,” Spike said barely above a whisper.

“Do you think he hit his head?” Willow asked, coming closer. She smiled gently and reached out a hand. 

Spike cringed back against Xander. “Do I know you?”

Oh,” Willow said in surprise. “Does he have amnesia?”

Xander tried to remember if Spike had struck his head but he didn't think so. “Maybe the ritual scrambled his brains?” He gently pushed Spike back into his own space. “Do you know who any of us are?”

“I-I'm not sure. I think...” Spike bit at his lip while he peered at them as if hoping they had name badges on their chests. He hung his head sadly like he was ashamed. “'M sorry,” he mumbled.

“Hey,” Xander said soothingly, automatically turning on his caretaker mode. “You've not done anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with not knowing.” A sudden though occurred. “What's your name?”

The vampire looked up and smiled the sweetest, tiniest smile. “William. I'm William.”

“Oh, dear Lord,” Giles declared entering the room with a tea tray in his hands.


	3. Elevate

Xander's life was officially crap. He should have known he was the one who would wind up taking home the loopy vampire. He always seemed to be the one who had the time, the room and the lack of social life. It wasn't that he actually minded so much, but did they all have to point it out so bluntly. At least Willow had the decency to cringe, and use a small amount of tact, while outlining all the reasons Xander had more time on his hands than the rest of them. 

Meanwhile they promised to research the bizarre return of what Giles had reasonably presumed was Spike before he was turned. Xander slid a glance over at his once again room-mate, who was currently perusing Xander's bookshelves and apparently finding them lacking. Xander almost wanted to laugh. Almost. 

It was odd watching this...proper Victorian gentleman walking around in Spike's skin. Giles theorised that although Spike – or William he supposed – didn't remember who he was, he did have an innate knowledge of his surroundings. He even seemed to have a vague recollection of the people around him and for some reason he apparently trusted Xander the most. This was yet another reason it was deemed that Xander should be William's caretaker. 

If Xander was being totally honest, it really wasn't much of a chore. William was shy, quiet and polite. Not really any trouble at all. They both discovered gaps in the vampire's memory, which William found particularly annoying. He would frown and and stamp about, not unlike Spike actually, and Xander was finding William's actions disturbingly endearing.

William's polite tones drew Xander from his musings. “Is there a library nearby?”

Xander shivered as the smooth tenor flowed through him. If he'd thought Spike's voice was sex incarnate then William's was warm innocence drenched in honey and begging to be licked and... well, yeah. “Ah, a library? Uhm. There's one not far from here.” Xander began rummaging through the top drawer of the chest in the far corner. “I'm pretty sure I've got a library card here somewhere.” He stood triumphantly holding his card aloft in one hand. “Ah ha! Got it!” William's smile lit up his whole face making it glow and Xander felt his heart skip a beat. He couldn't help but smile back in return. 

They headed out when it was finally dark enough – it had taken Xander almost that long to convince William that he couldn't go out during the day. The vampire had pouted, again, and Xander felt his insides melting. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. 

Xander watched as William excitedly explored the shelves, chattering happily and flitting from one side to other as something new grabbed his attention. Xander found himself smiling yet again. It was something that was becoming a habit. He hadn't decided if he should be bothered or not. On the one hand he'd never felt so free and light but on the other hand this was Spike, Spike the vampire. But he wasn't really, was he?

William appeared in front of him balancing a large stack of books in his arms and looking decidedly sheepish. “I was having trouble choosing just one.”

Xander laughed, another thing he found himself doing with greater frequency. “You can check out more than one.” Xander eyed the precarious stack. “Although, I think you've got a few too many there. Why don't you stack them up on the table over there and I'll help you choose.”

William gave him a grateful smile and unloaded his burden on the nearest table. “I appreciate this, Xander. You are always so thoughtful.”

Xander blushed and wondered if William would still feel the same way if he remembered all the nasty things Xander had said to him over the years. “Uhm, thanks, I guess.” Xander grabbed a book off the top of the stack. “Why don't we sort through these.”

In the end, it took almost half an hour for William to finally choose three books that he wanted to check out. They stopped for takeaway and a movie, which took almost as long to pick out as the books, and headed home. 

Xander put the movie on to play and they settled on the couch with cartons of fragrant Chinese and plastic chopsticks. 

William's eyes widened in delight as the star ships chased each other across the screen. “This is wonderful! What did you call it again?”

Xander grinned, pleased William was enjoying a movie he couldn't seem to recall. “ _Star Wars_. Everyone should know _Star Wars_. How's the Chinese?”

William looked down in surprise, having forgotten his meal. He lifted a portion of chicken and popped it delicately in his mouth. William nodded. “Delicious.”

“Good.” Xander pointed at the television. “Oh, this is the part where they capture the Princess.”

When the movie was over and the empty cartons thrown away they were both tired and more than ready to call it a night. Xander walked William to his small guest room. He stood hovering in the doorway somehow reluctant to let the evening come to an end. 

“I had a lovely time, Xan,” William said, turning and smiling shyly.

Xander sighed and moved closer. He lifted a hand to brush away a loose curl from William's eyes. He much preferred this riot of curls and waves to the more stark style which Spike normally wore. He let the curl wrap around his ring finger while his thumb rubbed gently against a sharp cheekbone. William leaned into the touch and it seemed only natural for Xander to press his lips gently to William's. They both groaned and Xander deepened the kiss for a moment before pulling away. 

Dazed blue eyes met his. “Goodnight, Xander.”

“Goodnight, William.”

Xander turned and shut the door, his lips still tingling and his body thrumming with arousal. “Shit,” he whispered to himself as he walked away on trembling legs. He was so very screwed. Elevate his problems from a crappy life to a superbly crappy life – he was falling for the evil undead.


	4. Sordid

Xander looked over at William, who was studying the table top like it held the secrets of the universe. “Isn't there any other way?”

Giles cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “I'm afraid not. We need to return Spike's demon essence and sooner rather than later. It has been killing ruthlessly and appears to be virtually unstoppable.”

“I'd stop it if I could but it's really been kicking my ass,” Buffy added, limping over to sit in one of the empty chairs at the table.

“We all know you've been trying, Buffy,” Willow said, consoling her friend. “It's not your fault.”

Buffy sighed, “I know, Wills. It's just... maybe Xander has a point. Is it really fair to force that thing on William?”

“It is where it came from after all,” Giles pointed out.

“We know that, Giles,” Xander growled in frustration. “But it isn't right. What about William? Doesn't he have a right to his own life?”

They all startled when William's chair suddenly clattered loudly to the floor. “Enough!” William shouted in a very Spike-ish manner. “I'm sorry, but please stop talking about me as if I wasn't here.” Xander blushed as did Willow, while Buffy ducked her head and Giles shuffled his feet. “I understand you all have my best interests at heart and those of the people of this town,” William continued more softly, grasping Xander's hand and giving it a small squeeze. “But at the end of the day, the decision should be mine to make.”

Giles nodded. “Quite so. I apologise. I sometimes I tend to get lost in the moment as it were.”

“We all do Giles,” Buffy said, sending William an apologetic smile.

“I understand. People are in danger and in a way it is my fault.”

“No!” Xander protested.

“It is.” William shook his head and held up a hand to stop Xander's argument before it started. “Not directly, but it is. And it is up to me to put a stop to it.” He turned to Giles. “I agree to this spell of yours.”

“Are you sure?” Willow asked, concerned.

“I am,” he answered.

~*~

“I have to do this. Please understand,” William begged.

Xander flinched at the hurt he could hear in that voice. How had this happened? How had he fallen so hard and so damned fast? He pushed away from the training room door and placed his hands on William's shoulders. “I understand. I do. I know I'm being selfish but I don't wanna lose you. I only just found you.”

William leaned up and kissed Xander softly, sweetly. “I care for you, too. Probably more than I should.”

Xander shook his head. “Impossible.”

William smiled. “I will miss you Xander Harris and I will never forget you.”

Xander closed his eyes to keep the tears from falling. He heard the door open and Buffy's voice behind him. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but we need William.”

Xander felt the briefest brush of lips on his before he was left alone.

~*~

“William said you'd be out here,” Willow commented taking a seat on the pallet next to Xander. “What's wrong, Xan?”

Xander choked out a laugh and shook his head. “God, Will, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.”

“C'mon. We've told each other everything since we were kids and of course I'll believe you.” She bumped her shoulder gently into his. “We're besties after all.”

“When I agreed to take William home I never imagined liking the guy.”

“So you like William?” Xander sighed and nodded. “Still not really seeing the problem here. We all like William. He's very... likeable.”

“It's just he's so sweet and clever and you should see the way his hair flops in front of his eyes when he's reading.” Xander sighed dreamily and his eyes became unfocused. “And the way he nibbles on his lip when he's concentrating...” Xander trailed off finally noticing the look of shock on Willow's face. “What?”

“You...you. Oh, Goddess. You're in love with Spike!”

“Shhh!” Xander exclaimed, looking around guiltily to see if anyone had overheard and then immediately felt guilty. William wasn't some sordid little secret. He lifted his head and threw back his shoulders. “Yes. I mean no. I mean I love William.” There he'd said it out loud. His heart pounded, but the world didn't come to an end and everything and everyone still carried on as normal. It was like nothing had even happened.

“Same thing, isn't it?”

Willow's question brought him back with a start. “What!? No. God no. A world of no. There's a huge difference between William and Spike.”

“Okay,” Willow said, although she didn't sound very convinced. “So what are you going to do?”

Xander sighed and picked at a loose thread on the cuff of his shirt. “Not much I _can_ do. You and Giles will do the spell and William will be gone forever.” Xander couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. If he did, he just knew he'd start crying and he didn't know if he'd be able to stop. Even worse, it was taking everything in him not to grab William and take him away where no one would ever find them. God. He hated this.

“I'm so, so sorry, Xan.”

Xander tried to giver her a smile, but it was hard and he was so tired. “I know you are. It'll be okay,” he lied.

“Of course it will,” she lied back.

~*~

It turned out it was all pretty simple and over rather quickly. Kinda like ripping off a band-aid. Fast and painful. 

The spell was done and Spike was looking at them, his horrified gaze turning into a familiar sneer. A sneer he turned on them all, including Xander, before sweeping out of the room in a rush. They could all hear the door to the alley slam with a loud and extremely final bang. Xander felt it like a blow to the chest. His heart breaking for all that he'd had in his grasp for far too short a time. It was gone now. 

“He's gone,” Xander whispered sadly.

Willow placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned down to whisper in his ear, “Are you sure William's really gone?” Xander looked up, hopeful and unsure. “Go,” she nudged him.

~*~

Xander found Spike smoking and pacing outside in the alley. He looked up at Xander with wounded eyes. Pitching his cigarette out in a small puddle of water, he hopped up on the same pallet where Xander had been seated not all that along ago. 

“I remember,” Spike said not looking in Xander's direction. “I remember it all and I haven't forgotten.

Xander felt a spark of hope and moved closer. “What? What do you mean?”

“How could I forget?” Spike asked, reaching out and pulling Xander to stand between his legs. “William has always been a part of me and always will. He loved you...I love you.”

Xander gave in to temptation and kissed Spike with all the love he felt for William. The same soft lips, the same bluer than blue eyes. They held each other close and Spike whispered words in his ear. The same wonderful words in the same soft, sweet accent. Xander pulled away with a gasp. “William?”

Spike shook his head and he sneered, “William was a git.”

It was Xander's turn to shake his head. “No. He was kind and caring and brave and wonderful.” Spike turned his head away with a snarl. Xander turned it back with a firm yet gentle hand. “And so are you.”

“Thought I was evil and dirty and disgusting.”

“I was wrong,” Xander said before leaning in to steal another kiss. “I love William and I'm pretty sure I can love Spike, too.” Xander grinned at the look of surprise on Spike's face. “Let me try?”

Spike grinned back. “Yeah, yeah. I think I can do that.”

“Good. Now let's go home and get started.”

~ Mòran taing ~


End file.
